Monday, March 5, 2012

Writing Sample: "World Record Attempt"

Since I don't have much new to report as a writing journal since my last one (some pieces out on submissions, no responses yet, still working on other stories and my novel), how about another writing sample, hot off the press?

This is from today's prompt at the Creative Copy Challenge.

The words for today were:

  1. Turn
  2. Time
  3. Tide
  4. Struck
  5. Shift
  6. Sell
  7. Dominate
  8. Retain 
  9. Slip
  10. Root

I decided to do another 10x10* entry, based loosely on a news story I saw today about a failed World Record attempt (ABC News Story).  I Americanized it a bit because, well -- I'm American and it makes it a little more familiar.

*10×10 = Ten sentences of ten words each, using the prompt words in order and in number position within each sentence (the first prompt word as the first word in the first sentence, and the second prompt word the second word in the second sentence, and so forth).

Feel free to let me know what you think:

"World Record Attempt"

"Turn on the recorder," Jordan said. "This will be awesome!"
"The time has come to make history, Dude," Caleb said.
"Amaze the tide of humanity!" he added with a laugh.
Jordan smiled and struck a pose, flexing for the camera.
Kneeling, he made a shift downward, and then climbed inside.
He grinned, imagining all he'd sell. Caleb closed the lid,
and shoveled dirt on top. They'd dominate the news, Jordan
thought, until fear took over -- he couldn't retain his courage.
Screw the world record! Panicking, Jordan tried to slip his
hand out, but only grabbed dirt and a gnarled root.


Susan Flett Swiderski said...

Wow. You came up with a good concept, and managed to use all the words in a coherent fashion. The only two words that were kind of a stretch for me are "retain" and "slip". They certainly work, but left to your own devices, I'm sure you would've chosen different words. But, I'm duly impressed. Fitting a story to a certain mold just to employ a given set of words can be very stilted and awkward, but you made it work.

Oh, I just read that article on Wiki. Amazing! Hard to believe some people are so stoooopid. (Sorry. I guess that wasn't terribly PC of me, was it?)

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Ugh! Gruesome!
And what can you say about someone who died after burying himself on purpose? It's hard to come up with something ... nice ... to say.

Great story, though. I like how you handled it.

Chris Fries said...

@Susan: Thank you! I appreciate your feedback. And yeah... Sometimes it takes a little contortion to get the words in. And my 10 "sentences" should probably be 10 "lines" since I'm getting a little free and loose with where the sentences are ending. And glad you liked the info on the hazards of DHMO. ;^)

@Diane: You're right. It's kind of like going for a world record and winning a Darwin Award instead...

Thanks for the visit and your feedback. I really appreciate it!

Milo James Fowler said...

I'm always impressed by how you manage these 10x10's, Chris!

Rusty Webb said...

Impressive work. I see you're reading Old Man's War, loved that book.

Chris Fries said...

@Milo: Thank you! They're a fun thing to do.

@Rusty: Thanks for your kind words! And so far, I'm definitely enjoying the book.

The Golden Eagle said...

Great story!

Though I'd hate to be one of those characters . . . being buried alive sounds horrible.

Chris Fries said...

Thanks Eagle!

Jeremy Bates said...

Nice use of the words forming a believable story. These prompts are good sometimes when one is stuck on that fragile border of wanting to write and possessing less than a modicum of creativity.

Keep up the good work!

Chris Fries said...

Thank you very much, Jeremy!